Saturday, December 31, 2011

विस्मृत स्मृतियाँ

मैं भूल कर भी तुम्हे भूल ना सका, 
जो बात कहनी थी वो कह ना सका,
आज सुबह जब आइना देखना चाहा,
"वो मेरी ही शक्ल थी?" मैं कह ना सका.
रह-रह कर तुम मुझे याद आते हो,
जब-तब यादों की बरसात कर जाते हो,
बस भी करो अब और ना सताओ,
अब चैन से रहने दो मेरे पास ना आओ.
बहुत वक़्त गुजरा तुम्हारी यादों में,
पर पत्थरों को तरस कहाँ आता है, 
कहो तो गुजार दूँ सारी उम्र तनहा, 
पर अंधेरो को रौशनी कहाँ भाती है.


A very happy and prosperous new year to all my blog readers.....
Jitendra Gupta 


Friday, December 30, 2011

The Sixth Sense of Granny

There is no comparison of the goodness of the sun light with anything else in this world. And now a days; due to severe cold and fog and mist in atmosphere, we hardly get any chance to enjoy the sun, and this morning was different from the morning of all days, because the sun was shining in the sky and I was sitting on the terrace of my home to enjoy the sun. I was looking very tense as I was confused over some matter and could not determine "What should I do?".   I was thinking of continuing my current and temporary job which I am doing faraway from my home in a research institute or to quit it and join the training course of two year which will offer me permanent government job of teaching in my hometown. While the former is related to my study and demands more investment of approximately 6-7 years and which is uncertain too, the later leads me towards the settlement in my life and promised me to offer a government job and a bright future. I was pondering over this question and it has become the usual condition for me because now because I have become addicted to this condition of dilemma.
My grandmother, whom I called 'Amma', and who usually lived in our village home, has arrived here at our home in city, after a long time. She, too, was sitting there and caring my newly born nephew. She was massaging him and meanwhile taking a glimpse of me. I was aware that she was observing me, so I was trying to look normal. But I was annoyed very much and staring continuously the vehicles and trespassers on the roads. I thought many times to discuss the matter with Amma, but I didn't know what forbids me to do so. May be it was communication gap or something else due to which I was hesitating and could not talk with her.
She broke the silence and asked me, "What are you thinking?" 
"Nothing.." I replied.
"Oh;; so what have you decided for your future?" She asked again.
Now, Amma was getting the nerve of my problem on which I was thinking continuously
"I am feeling unable to decide anything." I replied.
"Your elder sister has told me that you should not leave the opportunity offered to you at your hometown and join this training, although you can leave your temporary job which you are doing faraway from your home." She was saying, "This training course is much better for you and for your future, and not that job."
I don't know how has she come to know my problem? Nobody has told her about my problem, although she was aware of my condition. It was, perhaps, her sixth sense, I concluded, due to which she read my mind exactly.
She has solved my problem, but this solution, too, turned in to a problem for me....as I am a born confused.  

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

अभिलाषा;

जब आप प्यार में होते है, तो सब कुछ अच्छा लगता है, हर चीज़ खुशनुमा दिखाई देती है, जब आप हँसते है, तो दुनिया भी आपके साथ हसती है, और जब दुनिया मायूस होती है तो भी आप हसते है. आपको समझ नहीं आता की लोग इतने दुखी और परेशान क्यों होते है. सारी दुनिया इतनी सुन्दर प्रतीत होती है की मन करता है की ये समय हमेशा बना रहे. और आप हमेशा मुस्कराते रहे. इन्ही अनुभवों पर कुछ पंक्तिया प्रस्तुत है.....


ना जाने क्यों तुमसे मिलने को दिल करता है,
तुम्हे पाने, तुम्हे छूने को दिल करता है,
मैं नहीं जानता ये क्या है, बस
तुम्हारी साँसों को महसूस करने को दिल करता है.

तेरे दिल की धड़कन मुझे यहाँ सुनाई देती है,
तेरे बदन की महक में, मैं अभी भी बेहोश हूँ,
तेरे होंठो पर आये हर एक शब्द,
मुझसे यही कहते है- "मैं तुमसे प्यार करती हूँ"
मैं सोचता हूँ...

तेरी आँखों में खो जाने को दिल करता है,
तेरी साँसों में सिमट जाने को दिल करता है,
मैं, मैं ना रहूँ, तू, तू ना रहे,
तेरे इतने करीब आने को दिल करता है.

हर तरफ थी खुशियाँ, पर मुझमे थी तन्हाई,
सब लोगो के बीच मुझे मुस्कान तेरी याद आई,
तू पास भी थी, तू दूर भी है,
पर मेरी हर सांस में तू थी छायी,
मुझे याद तुम्हारी आई. 
                                                             © जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

Sunday, December 18, 2011

तुम कहाँ हो...?

 

सच में तुम हो?
या मुझमे कहीं गुम हो?
कहने को हर जगह हो,
पर जाने; तुम कहा हो?

दूर छितिज पर तुम हो,
बंद पलको में भी हो,
मन की गहराई में तुम हो,
नभ की उंचाई में भी हो.

कुछ कहूँ?
जो सुनो?
ना कहूँ?
कुछ सुनो;

दिनकर की किरणें है,
मन की तरंगें,
कुछ तुम कहो;
छाए मन में उमंगें.

छाया आकाश;
या नीला समुन्दर?
नीला आकाश;
या गहरा समुन्दर?
 
भ्रमित हूँ?
व्यथित हूँ?
मैं क्या हूँ?
विचित्र;

करना क्या है?
ना कोई नशा है,
है भी अगर तो,
वो जाने कहाँ है?
 
मन में बसा था,
मन में बसा है,
मन का वो वासी;
अब जाने कहाँ है?
                                                                                                  © जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

ख़ामोशी;;

पहले प्यार की हर एक बात निराली होती है और जब भी आप पहले प्यार के बारे में सोचते है तो आप रोमांचित हो उठते है. उसकी यादें आपके साथ जिन्दगी भर बनी रहती है और आप उसको अपने दिल के किसी कोने में बहुत सहेज कर रखते है.
एक वक़्त था जब मैंने पहला प्यार किया था और वो ही मेरा आखिरी प्यार भी साबित हुआ. आज अचानक ही जब  उसका चेहरा नजरों में छा गया और उसके साथ बिताये कुछ खुशनुमा पलों को याद कर रहा था तो कुछ पंक्तिया अपने आप ही पन्ने पर साकार होती गयी. उसी अनुभव पर कुछ पंक्तिया प्रस्तुत है-


"ख़ामोशी" से बातें कर रहा था,
की वो आ गयी,
मुझे ऐसा लगा.

बातें रुक सी गयी,
और वक़्त थम सा गया,
पागल मन जो बेचैन सा था,
बस उसी में सिमट सा गया.

हां; शायद,
कुछ पल के लिए शायद,
बारिश रुक सी गयी थी.

साँसे तेज हो गयी थी,
और धड़कने बेगानी हो चली थी,
बदन तो पूरा शिथिल हो गया था,
और अन्दर एक तूफ़ान उठ चला था.

उजाले ने अँधेरे से दोस्ती कर ली थी,
और वो-मैं बस हम दोनों ही थे,
मेरी नजरें उसमे उलझती गयी,
और वो मुझमे लिपटती गयी.

जैसे कभी हम अलग थे ही नहीं,
इतने पास, इतने करीब,
जैसे मैं उसमे बहता गया दूर तलक,
और वो मुझमे सिलती गयी.

जैसे वो पूनम की रात थी,
और मैं व्योम विस्तार,
जैसे वो रजनी का प्यार थी,
और मैं उसका श्रृंगार.

मुझे लगा-
यह अनुभव कुछ अजीब था,
पर तभी यह महसूस हुआ,
की मैं सपने में चूर था.
 
फिर भी.....
वैसे....
कुछ बातें यूँ ही नहीं हो जाती.......

                                                                                                                 © जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता

Saturday, December 10, 2011

उदासी;;;;




उदासी;;
ओ; मेरी प्रियतमा,
मैं जी रहा हूँ तो बस,
तेरे सहारे,
तेरे ही आँचल में,
तेरे किनारे.

कोई ना मिला तो,
मिली मुझको तू,
प्रेम से भरी, 
और शांत कितनी तू.

दुनिया जो रूठ जाए,
हर कोई छूट जाए,
मनमीत जो मेरे है,
वो भी ना पास आयें.

और जन्म के जो रिश्ते,
वो भी जो टूट जाए,
हो पास कोई दुविधा,
और जीवन लगे निरुपाय.

तब प्राण-प्रिये मेरी,
तू मुझको याद आये.

उदासी;;;
ओ; मेरी प्रियतमा....
जीतेन्द्र  गुप्ता

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

ख्वाहिशे




ख्वाहिशे

एक के बाद एक

ना जाने क्यों?

ना जाने कैसी?

ना जाने कितनी?

जीवन भर की.

ख्वाहिश अरुणाभ छितिज की,

सुधा, सुमन, सांत्वना, शिखर की,

सृजन, सौम्य, सौंदर्य, सुगम की.

ख्वाहिश- "सत्यम-शिवम्-सुन्दरम" की,

पर उपेक्षा, अर्पण, मान- अपमान,

जाने कितनी बातें....और आत्मसम्मान;

ना जाने क्यों अव्यक्त का साम्राज्य?

दृश्य-अदृश्य, श्रव्य-अप्श्रव्य,

जो है और जो नहीं है......उसका आस्तित्व.
जीतेन्द्र गुप्ता
(Earlier I have posted this poem in english font on my blog. At that time I don't know how to write in Hindi on the blog, but thanks for this widget which enables me to write in Hindi font. I love this.....)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Hunting for spirits;;;

When night falls, often I leave my home behind and start to wonder everywhere in the city. I passed some famous milestones of Jaunpur city, named Royal bridge, Royal Fort, and Atala Mosque etc. These old monuments were built in the time of Mughals, by the Tughalaq dynasty, and are still there, flaunting over it's glorious history. There was a time when the city of Jaunpur was called as 'Shiraj-e-Hind' but the time has changed now and it is now a small district.It has a glorious history and famous for it's culture even today. 
But I have no business with it's culture or history, I have a diffrent reason to visit these places at this time in city. I am fond of hunting the spirits, wondering uselessly in the city. And I become disapointed every day and have to return my home with empty handed late in night. Hunting for spirits seems very challenging job to me and I have developed a habit for this job because it gives me pleasure. I have written a few lines on my wondering in the city.
      
As the night falls, I wonder in the streets;
Nobody appears there, except only some beasts;
I see the closed shops, I see the night bulbs;
shining alone in the darkness, like a moon in desert.

I measure some more miles and reached at crossing;
It, too, is deserted, with no people visible on sight;
I hunt for spirits at this time in city;
and wish to be immortal, like the wondering spirits.

Many says, 'Spirits wonder in the night.'
and I try to search for them without having light;
But I don't find anyone of them here and there;
perhaps, they live somewhere else with pleasure.

There is the silence, everywhere on my way;
but I listen the sound of silence with fray;
I followed my shadow, and reached 'Royal bridge'; 
built a centuries ago, over the river 'Gomati'.

I stand over the bridge, and watched the flowing river;
I glance the moon reflection, on the clear water;
The illusion fasten me, over the edge of the bridge;
There is only me, with no one at least.

I leave the bridge behind and stroll ahead;
'The Royal Fort' appears, built a centuries back;
It is still there, flaunting over it's history;
and seems very bright, while ruining presently.

There was a time, when Mughals inhabited the fort;
Now, with no living creature inside it's mansion;
I was sure to find there some wondering souls;
but I find their offspring occupied the place as a whole.

I wonder some more distance and reach 'Atala Mosque';
The home of Allah, the place of only one God;
I see the muslim priest called Imam and their followers;
No spirit would like to occupy a divine place ever.

"Am I the only wondering spirit in the city?"
thinking over the question while measuring the city;
I return my home in broken and tired ways;
to take a nap, and hunt them again in upcoming days.
                                                                                                            Jitendra Gupta

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Have you seen the wind;;

I was sitting on the roof of my home and enjoying the warmness of the sun rays. Sometimes in my loneliness, I start talking with the sun or with the birds or anything else except any person, so that I can beat my emptiness. And it gives me more pleasure than doing anything else. It seems ridiculous to many persons but it's true. Moreover I have developed a habit of talking with myself and for this reason I don't need anybody's company to spend my time. And today I was talking with the wind. 
"What are you doing here?" asked my elder brother who has also come on the roof for the same reason recently.
"I am talking with the wind." I answered with innocence.
He burst in to laughter and said "Have you gone mad?"
I started thinking over this question and got the answer, "Perhaps yes;; I have gone mad." and then resume my conversation with wind. 
I have written few lines over this situation-
"The sun is shining in the blue sky;
In the warm afternoon of winter season.
Somebody is ringing the bell and praying to God;
In the temple, in the middle of garden of trees and grass."

"The cool wind is blowing, while touching slowly my body;
It will go to very strange and faraway places;
of which nobody knows it, even today, like the birds,
like the ocean, without taking anybody's permission."

"No one has seen the wind except aware of its existence,
when the leaves of trees starts moving, while hanging over it's branches;
"It is the wind, which is blowing." everyone of us say,
But no one says "The wind is not there." while the leaves remain stay."
                                                                                    Jitendra Gupta

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Are You there..?

I remember, in my childhood days; my grandmother used to tell me to go to temple and worship the God. There is a beautiful and magnificent temple of God Hanuman Ji in the backyard of our home. The temple was built by my late grandfather and it is still there even today reminding us of him. We used to go to temple and worship Him every evening after returning from our school. It was a good habit inculcated in our soul by our grandparents, but gradually I lost my faith in Him due to some circumstances and started to believe in atheism. Now I am a atheist but I have respect in my heart for those who are theist, because being a religious person makes you an honest and good person. I have written few lines over my this experience and hope you will like this-
  
I Knew; You were there; often I saw You shouting on others.
I called You many a times; irrespective of space and place.
'You were listening to me.' it was known to me very well.
But no response from your side made me surprise like a hell.

Little things happened in life, when You and me were together.
But time has changed and I negotiate your existence.
'Come here, in front of me'; to prove You are there.
Otherwise I'll exclaim 'You are nowhere;' 'You are nowhere.'

Many says 'It's all your creation' when I see the nature.
I glance the Sun, stare the moon and enjoy the rainy season.
The whole universe makes me feel like a small tiny creature.
And I still don't know 'What am I doing?' in your age old feature.

It's nice many worship You and down their head.
'Is it makes You feel pleasure, when You give us the pain?'
They says 'You are the one;' 'You are the only one.'
But I says, 'You are none;' and will not waste my time in vain.  
                                                                                                                              Jitendra Gupta

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Life is a heap of questions;;

While living my life in a full strength; some questions, about the purpose of life and about our existence, remained question to me. I think about these questions everyday but I don't get any satisfactory answers. On my this dilemma; I have written a few lines-

When I go to walk in the morning;
I meet with various persons on the road by side;
some says, 'Hello; how are you?' to me;
while some remain stranger and don't mingle with me.

I walk, and walk, and walk continuously;
until I tired, and return to home finally;
to become fresh, and join my duty;
the whole day passed in the search of opportunity.

'Who am I?' I think throughout the day;
'What is the purpose of life?' I asked everyday;
'What should I do?' 'Where should I go?';
The questions pile up in to a heap day by day.

I don't get the answer, although;
from horizon, I get back my echoes;
like the world is asking me the same question;
which is still a question for me till today.
                                                                                           Jitendra Gupta

Friday, November 25, 2011

A whole day of my life;;

'In the afternoon'
At this time; it is twelve pm,
And the sun is shining over my head.
Soon; it will be four pm, 
And the sun will set in the west.
After this, it will be night;
And we will go to our bed.
The whole day would passed; 
You see; my life is like that.

'In the morning'
I will wake up in the morning;
With a new idea in my head.
I will analyze that same idea;
Throughout the working day.
Time will passed before my eyes; 
And I will do nothing.
"What happens to that idea?"
I will think again; when  go to my bed.

'Next day'
Next day; again I will think;
"I will do this." or "I should do that."
Thinking too much;
Makes me confused day by day.
'No opportunity', 'No hope';
There is; in my life.
I get nothing in my hand; 
Usually; at the end of every day.

'In my room'
The vehicles are moving;
Blindly; over the road.
Sound is coming in my room;
Where I am alone.
Thinking about the future;
While lying on my bed.
Trying to change the history;
While wasting my present.

Jitendra Gupta

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ruskin Bond

Have you gone through the writings of Ruskin Bond, his novellas, essays, poetry, short stories, long stories and his autobiographies. I have studied a story "The Kite Maker" written by Mr. Ruskin Bond in my intermediate English prose book. This single story had made a deep impact on my mind, that I have became a great fan of him. 
Some of stories written by him have became a legend. I remember my childhood days, when my elder sister used to tell us the horror stories during night. My elder sister used to study in "Jawahar Navodaya Vidyalaya" and she got only two months in a whole year which she spend with us, that is summer vacation. Each year, we used to wait for our summer vacation desperately. At that time I was only six or seven year old but listening those horror stories made us too frightened that we glued to our bed under the blanket. In those days, we didn't think about the writer of these stories, because that was not as important as the stories for us. We imagined the words of stories in our mind in the form of a film and horrified. One of the remarkable story was "A Face in the Dark" written by Mr. Bond. In my childhood days, my sister had told us this same story without telling us the name and title of story writer. 
It is only after, I has brought the "Omnibus- The dust on the Mountains" a story collection book written by Mr. Bond, I found this story, 'A Face in the Dark'. And I tell you, 'what a pleasure full experience that was;;'. The stories, which we had listened in Hindi by my sister such a long time ago, was actually written by Mr. Bond. These horror story had inculcated in my mind to such extent as it is as fresh as even today.
Frankly speaking, Mr. Bond is a short story writer, but he is a great poet too. He has written a number of sweet rhymes and poems. One of which is-
  "As I walked home last night
I saw a lone fox dancing
In the cold moonlight.
I stood and watched. Then
Took the low road, knowing
The night was his by right.
Sometimes, when words ring true,
I'm like a lone fox dancing
   In the morning dew."           
(From-'From Small Beginings')
The simplicity of Mr. Bond's writing touches every one's heart. In addition to this the nature plays an essential role in his writing. He has accepted in one of his essays, "If anybody ask me to choose and write some lines between the 'Taj Mahal' or the red rose, I would prefer red rose to Taj." This statement is further confirmed by one more of his little poems-
"I wonder where the green grass went?
All buried under new cement.
I wonder where the birds have flown?
They've gone to find another home.
I wonder where the footpath's gone?
Right underneath your car, my son.
I wonder where the old folks go?
The nursing home will surely know.
What grows so fast before my eyes?
A garbage dump, a million flies.
Is this the place you celebrate?
In prose you made it sound so great;
It was...before I knew it's fate."
(From-'A Town Called Dehra')
Mr. Bond have a great feeling of love about every things in his heart. He told us the very complicated things about life in simplest of his words.
"Remember the long ago when we lay together
In a pain of tenderness and counted
Our dreams: long summer afternoons
When the whistling-thrush released
A deep sweet secret on the trembling air;
Blackbird on the wing, bird of the forest shadows,
Black rose in the long ago summer,
This was your song:
It isn't time that's passing by,
It is you and I."
(From-'Love is a Sad Song)'
Sometimes he became philosopher and writes some mysterious lines-
"We three,
We're not a crowd;
We are not even company-
My echo,
My shadow,
And me..."
(From-'Whistling in the Dark')
Really he is a great contemporary writer of modern India. I have read approximately his whole stories, essays and novellas. Some of my most favourite stories are, 'The Eyes Have It', 'The Night Train at Deoli', 'The Haunted Bicycle', 'Time Stops at Shamli', 'Going Home', 'The Most Potent Medicine of All', 'The Kite Maker', 'The Prospect of Flowers', 'A Face in the Dark', 'The Last Time I Saw Delhi', 'Whispering In the Dark', 'Love is a Sad Song', 'Reunion at Regal', 'When You Can't Climb Trees Anymore' and 'A Love of Long Ago' etc. The writing of Mr. Bond is so much vast and large, that one can do Ph.D. over his writings. He has also written a number of novellas, and my most favourite novel by him is- "The Room On The Roof" and "Vagrants In the Valley". These novels are of semi-autobiographical in nature. Simplicity is the beauty of Mr. Bond's writings. 

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Grief;;


It is my younger brother who is doing B.Tech from an engineering college situated in Lucknow. He is a smart guy, good looking and handsome. I recently came to know that he lost the case in which he had been detained from examination by college authority, which was pending in the Lucknow bench of high court. Due to which, his whole one year have been wasted. In addition to this he had to suffer from the mental torture for such a long time. I heard this news from one of my family member's mouth. Upon listening to him, I lost my wish to talk with him. What can I do except expressing grief in front of him.  
I remember those days when he had completed his senior secondary school and was confused for his future. Although he couldn't decide his future, yet he took a simple path of doing BBA. He thought that it would be simple and easy to complete BBA and it was glamorous too. His ultimate aim was to do MBA. But his plan was seemed bogus to me as well as his father (my uncle). So I advised him to do B.Tech. I told him, "The money you are going to invest in BBA would be a wastage, and it would be good for you to do B.Tech by which you can became an engineer." His father was also agree with me. I think he was pressurized indirectly by me as well as by his father, to do B.Tech instead of BBA.
So he made up his mind and took admission in B.Tech. When his first semester result was declared, he was passed in only two subjects out of six subjects and having back in all four subjects.
But after the declaration of his first semester result, he worked hard and performed well in his second semester examination. His result was good. He had passed all the subjects except one back paper. One of my junior whose name was 'Ambika' had once told me about him that "He has sharp mind and good analytical skill and in addition to this he is laborious too."  
He was doing his part of struggle but the situation and circumstances was against him. A strike was organised in his college regarding some local issues and his name was came in to limelight in that strike. In addition to this, he fell ill due to Dengue fever at that time so he had to left the college for approximately one month. As a result, he was detained from the examination along with some other students.
Since then the case was pending in high court, and he was desperately waiting for its result. Mean while I had meet him several times and consoled him that the victory would be his. I have not so much experience but I have heard from some of my colleagues that in such cases, the court favours the student side. But I was wrong. He has lost the case.
I had not called him; he was as quiet as before. I can only anticipate his mental condition. His concentration was disturbed from studies to other things like court case and now he would feel difficulty in concentrating again in his studies.
May God bless him and give him the power so that he could bear such a heavy grief on his shoulders.
I would like to say him only one sentence, "Don't worry brother; the future would be yours";;;  

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Courage;;

Now a days, I am singing a Gazal sung by Jagjit Singh,
"Ghar Se Nikle The Hausila Kar Ke,
Laut Aaye Khuda-Khuda Kar Ke."
The same situation is happening with me in my real life. I am trying to do big things but I am getting failed in doing simple and small things. "What is wrong with me? I couldn't analyse it". Up to date I thought, it is the dilemma in my life path, but I was wrong. It is the lack of self confidence and inability to concentrate on my predefined goal that renders me in the state of dilemma.
Often I ask myself "Am I a single guy in this whole cosmos who lacks the decisive power." And I got the answer, "Of course not." There are a number of persons who have became successful only because they lacks the decisive skills, but one thing was unique to them, instead of frustrating with this abnormality, they used it as a tool for being successful in life.
I have done M.Pharm, and from where I think, it is not any big deal to do M.Pharm. For me it is same like as doing simply M.Sc or M.A.. But my relatives and my well wishers don't think like me. They think as like I have done M.D. or M.S. and for them it is a big deal. And from their's point of view, I am a brilliant and I should do something big and excellent. In other words, they expect something excellent from me.
I remember one of my aunt who were laughing at me when she came to know that I am doing the same thing which she had done already and now waiting for her joining (Primary school Teacher). I am not frustrated or depressed by her behaviour but rather I ask myself the same question which she was asking me at that time, "What is the use of doing M.Pharm, when you have to do the same thing which I have done without doing M.Pharm? In that case, you have wasted your precious time and nonrefundable money and got nothing. Now you are on the same position where I am."
Then I thought, "M.Pharm have became curse for me. I could not do the simple things except waiting for the big things." This is the actual meaning of the aforesaid Gazal.
I think there is only one solution to this problem, "don't care for them." You should have courage to realize your dream; and for having courage, hard work is essential; and for doing hard work, an attitude is required "No work is big or small."
  

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Dreams;;;

I was listening this Gazal, in the evening time which is one of my favorite Gazals, sung by Jagjit Singh. 
"Hazaro Khwahishe aisi; Ki Har Kwahish Pe Dum Nikle
Bahut Nikle Mere Armaan; Lekin Phir Bhi Kam Nikle"

The song is all about our infinite wishes and dreams which we dreamed of getting. Some succeeds in fulfilling his wishes where as some fails. 
I think, this world is a place of wishes either it is saturated or remain unsaturated. The person who resides in expensive bungalow and lives a rich life style, not only having dreams but those also who lives on the footpath and pavements. The difference exists only in the probability of its fulfillment. Where the Rich have enormous possibility and chances for their wishes to be fulfilled, the poor have only a few.  
I am no different to them and have my share of dreams. The dream of getting admission in BHU. I feels the attraction power toward it. I want to do Ph.D. from BHU and there is an opportunity of which I am waiting desperately since last 4-5 months. There was a colleague who despite being selected for Ph.D. in BHU, gives up the opportunity and now doing some kind of research work in Delhi. Many times, I asked myself "if I were at his place, what would I have done?"
Perhaps I have grabbed this golden opportunity or did the same, which he had done and gave up the chance. But the reality is different. I am who I am, not him. I don't have the same opportunity and chances.
Meanwhile I have got selected for a job of project assistant in NBRI, Lucknow. So; There is an opportunity of government job in which I have the opportunity of doing some research. There is another opportunity waiting for me in NBRI from where I can fulfill my dreams. I want to do everything but I am a single guy and I am very confused what should I do?
Let us see what is hidden for me, in the lap of future....... 

Monday, August 1, 2011

"The White Tiger"

Last night I could not sleep well because I was dreaming of a news channel, a breaking news was flashing on the sidebar of the TV.

"A kind of white tiger was being watched roaming freely over the Sadbhavna bridge located at Jaunpur city in Uttar Pradesh."

I don't know, what was the truth? Why had I dreamed about the white tiger? But there is something in the way I am thinking about the white tiger since I had read the debut novel "The White Tiger" written by Mr. Aravind Adiga.

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Next day, I was standing over the "Sadbhavna bridge", the newest kind of bridge which has been built over the river Gomati, in my town Jaunpur. I was watching at the muddy and filthy water flowing in river. The water in river was flooded as it was the month of july, the monsoon has flooded all the river in darkness. I was seeing the sun, which had become red in the evening and setting at the horizon over the river. I was completely lost in that, suddenly my thinking was interupted by a boy who was asking me something-
"Why are you looking so sad?"
I turned towards him and glanced him with a question mark on my face because he was strange to me.
He asked again, "Please excuse me sir; But I would like to know why are you looking so sad? I was observing you for more than half an hour, and you seemed as completely lost in your thinking. Is there any problem?"
"Am I really looking sad?" I questioned myself, "What happened to me?"

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I could not found any white tiger there at the bridge. It was a false dream, I thought. All, I have seen there, was the asses, some of them were talking by sitting over the railing built for the safety of public, some laughing, some watching like me and some rickshaw pullers sleeping over their rickshaw, except me, "The only white tiger in the town;;;".

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There is something so mysterious about the main character, Balram Halwai, of this novel "The white tiger", I am studying second time, and each time when I read this, I fancied myself in to a white tiger. I am thinking myself trapped in to Rooster coop. (One of which I have seen on the way towards the bridge with the roosters inside.)
The father along with family (the so called Rooster coop) wanted me to get married but I don't. All, I wish, is to break the coop.

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I was pondering over the lines written by one of the world's greatest poet, Rumi-

"The moment you start looking what is beautiful in this world, you stop being a slave."

and the second one by the poet, Allama Iqbal-

"You were looking for the keys, but the door was always open;;"

I think there is some mystry hiding in these line, don't you think so?