बस मंज़िल का पता रखते हैं,
रास्ते की फिक्र नही मुझको,
साधन कौन सा होगा, नही पता,
बस हौसले को जिंदा रखते हैं।
Friday, July 7, 2017
Saturday, July 1, 2017
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Madhya Pradesh Public Service Commission (MPPSC) has called me for interview for Madhya Pradesh State Service Examination 2014, scheduled to be held on September 13th 2016 at its office in Indore.
Earlier I have qualified preliminary examination of MPPSC. Then I faced the mains examination of it in Bhopal and now they have called me for interview.
|"No need to think |
I told my father about it. He advised me to leave it. He told me, "When you are doing a PCS level job near your home in your own state, then what is the point in doing the same level of job in any other state? Better focus on UPSC."
I couldn't figure out, what would I write in exam, which I have to face from 20th September 2016? Whatever I tried to read, couldn't memorise it. Is it because of my marriage? Should I blame to my marriage for my distraction from studies? I don't know. I am not such a guy who blame others for failure and takes credit for success. I am responsible for my life and I don't blame anyone for anything in my life.
Sometimes I think I will prepare for this exam next year. But I shouldn't forget that it is competitive exam unlike any academic exam. Next year the situations would not be same for me as it is now.
I am a little bit of lazy person too. I just want to sit and do nothing. So for sitting and doing nothing, I have to reach on top. And I see UPSC as provider of such opportunity to reach on top.
In this way a sense of an ending is engulfing me from both the sides, from competitive world as well as from literary world.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
|Still of the sky somewhere |
on my way to Allahabad
In the month of September 2016, I got first salary of my life. I could not think, what should I do with my salary. I have seen many persons, upon getting their first salary, partying and shopping with their friends and families. But I did nothing with my first salary. I don't have any materialistic aspirations. All of my wishes have been fulfilled by my family since my childhood. So the money, I got as my first salary, means nothing to me.
This year, I have given UPSC preliminary exam once again. The exam was fine as far as my preparations was concerned, but I shouldn't hope for positive result because UPSC is called Unpredictable Public service commission. Anything may be happen. I have to appear for UPPSC mains examination 2016 too, starting from 20th of September 2016. Some of my well-wishers have suggested me to fight for the executive post, like Deputy Collector (Sub Divisional magistrate or SDM), and Deputy Superintendent of Police (DySP). But I am lacking in motivation for these posts. I share my feelings with my father. I asked him, "Should I prepare for mains exam this year?" He advised me, "Feel happy for this post (ACct) which you have got because this post is free from any political interference. On this post, you can work freely without any outer pressure like public or politicians. It is very peaceful job which suits your nature." I think my father is saying right so I couldn't make up my mind to prepare for this upcoming exam. It is like burden on my head. Instead he suggested me to go for UPSC but it requires great amount of dedication.
Now a days, I regularly go to my office at Allahabad. One day, while going upstairs, I have seen a woman with two kids lying in the corner of stairs. I couldn't imagine the plight of that woman. There was the filthy "paan ki peek" in the corner of stairs where the woman was sleeping. Seeing them was a disturbing experience for me. The Gandhi's Talisman, which I have read in many NCERT text books, suddenly resurfaced in my memory. I am still thinking, What can I do for them? How can I make there living better with the help of my job? I don't know whether my feeling is same as that of Gautam Buddha, when he had seen the ailing man, the dead man and the sanyasi for the first time. Buddha was filled with the melancholy. But these scenes, I am seeing since my childhood and I have become habitual to it. Yet I distract whenever I see such people.
Although I have reached such a position where thousands of persons aspire to reach. In this way, I have tried to reduce the feeling of insecurity in me. Yet many times the feeling of insecurity anchoraged me and I am like any helpless guy. I have seen many of my colleague. I have observed that they are making contacts and getting familiar with all the officials. The higher officials recognized them but not me. I know what is the reason for my condition of lagging behind. I am not so talkative and don't mingle with everyone. So I am not like all of my colleagues. So a sense of alienation has trapped me.
So, conclusively I may say that I have a sense of indifference as far as the matter of my first job, my first salary and my marriage is concerned. But a smile floats on my face whenever I see the smiling face of my father and of my grandmother because of my job and marriage. So if they are happy because of me, then, I think I should also get pleasure in the happiness of my elders.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Many times my past haunts me. I consider my past as a failure. I started from zero in this field and I am a step below to become hero. Meanwhile I was motivated from following lines by Mr Rachit Raj (IAS)...
If you have decided to move forward, then repent on your past and decision, instead try to acknowledge present and try to make your future more bright."
Monday, May 30, 2016
Sharing some more pictures while being honored at Chemist and Druggist Welfare Association, Jaunpur, and at a village function. Frankly speaking, I really got fed up with these Honoring ceremonies. It is very unusual experience because I am not accustomed to this overwhelming respect. There is a shayari, I would like to share here, relevant on this situation....
"फिर कोई दर्द मिलेगा, तैयार रह ऐ दिल;
कुछ लोग पेश आ रहे बडे प्यार से!"
Sometimes, I think, "What have I achieved?"
"Nothing!", replied my consciousness, "You have just passed an exam, called UPPCS 2015, and got selected as Assistant commissioner Commercial Tax. Apart from this, your achievement is zero! Your contribution in society is zero!" Here is one more shayari on what I am thinking....
"अंधेरों को तो ये भी खल रहा है
दिया मेरा हवा में जल रहा है
तुम्हारे काम इतने तो नहीं हैं
तुम्हारा नाम जितना चल रहा है"
|Delivering Speech at CDWFA, Jaunpur|
|With Bureau Chief, Dainik Jagran Newspaper|
|With head of CDWFA, Jaunpur|
|At a function in my village|